If you’re Crazy and you know It II

My partner and I were standing outside assisting with a medical evac by helicopter. The patient needed angioplasty so the security department secures the landing pad keeping bystanders away from the chopper and escort in and out of the hospital. So as we finish and the bird flies off my partner and I step into the emergency room. As we enter we here the emergency director yelling for someone to call security. We run down to the room and before I opened the curtain a smell hit me like a punch to the nose and I knew then this was going to be bad.

There was a 30 year old heavy set female half naked lying in the bed yelling profanities like the girl from the exorcist, actually she kind of looked like her only fat and older. The director and nurse were trying to use soft restraints (thanks JCAHO) on this very strong woman, who needed hard leather restraints. Needless to say these two were not having too much success. So my partner grabbed an arm, the ER director grabbed an arm, the one nurse started tying her up, and I grabbed these two mammoth ham hocks. I then discovered what the smell was; she had been on her period and had not changed anything down there. So as the RN finishes the last tie down I go and help the director put back on the oxygen mask. The patient kept using her tongue to push the mask off her face, so we decided to tape her up. As I held the mask on the left arm came loose and guess what, she decided to grab a hold of, that’s right Mr. Happy. I pulled away in time, but as I did her nails got caught on my trousers and ripped her fake nails off. We re-tied these wimpy soft restraints back to the bed and went back to the office to fill out some paper work.

20 minutes later we were called back to the emergency room. When we arrived she had slid herself to the bottom of the bed. I snatched our clinical coordinator as he walked by because at this point I needed someone to pay. The doctor decided on a posey vest, but the problem was we needed to untie her hands, put the vest on, zip up the vest, and tie everything back to the bed. So we got into position, this time I took an arm and made my partner take a leg. We un-tied her arms and she started kicking and yelling. This time though her aunt and mother had stepped into the room. We tried to be careful at all times not to hurt patients, but when family is looking over your shoulder you try to play nice. The aunt picked up on this and said, “I am going to take a walk, you guys do what you have to.” So I put my arm against her face pushing her fat cheeks between her teeth so she would stop biting and we got her tied back down.

When we were done I looked over to my partner and he was pale as a ghost. He held his breath as long as he could and when it was time to breath he took a big whiff and he was sick. We escorted the staff with the patient tied to the bed up to one of the wards. The whole time the patient was calling use racial slurs and pointing out our physical abnormality i.e. I am fat, my partner is tall, but with profanity mixed in. My partner stepped out for some fresh air and I went back to reports.

The next day I went on my usual patrol and when I passed the room I met with her aunt. The aunt stated that she does remember anything at all. She just woke up extremely sore in all places. They thanked us and apologized which was not necessary. To do this job you need to have thick skin. We all realize when people come in a hospital they are not themselves. They don’t want to be there and may even be terrified. So we take the insults and just do our job and sometimes people realize we are there to help.

Flashlight 1